inner pizza

feb 15

These past couple months have been a time of reflection, slowing down and listening. Before I take too much credit, this was kind of forced on me by my externals.

The last months of 2023 were filled with work, school, events, holidays, graduations, things that kept me busy. Having been preoccupied with the external, I let a lot of internal feelings and thoughts go by unattended. After a week or so of the chaos calming and with the help of a healing sound bath, they kind of hit me like a rock.

I knew there would be a lot of unknowns going into the new year that I was nervous about, but I didn’t know how much fear was truly there. Through different forms of emotional releases I have discovered a negative internal monologue existing in the background. When things externally were providing joy, this monologue could exist quietly. But with lack of external stimulation, the perfectionism and the need for control get loud.

My perfectionism is the voice is my head that was created by “not good enough”s and “what if”s. Approaching this voice with love and tenderness is what I have found healing the past couple of weeks.

Yesterday, while throwing a frozen pizza in the oven, the instructions read “set the timer and while you wait, find your inner pizza.” Funny how this punny instruction reminded me that finding peace comes in the in between. This is the time to lean into the discomfort. Removing the external forces, this space invites room to question, grow and reflect.

Control the controllable. You can set the timer to the recommended time, you can put all the toppings on, but once the pizza is in the oven, it’s out of your control. It’s about trusting that if it does burn, you can always order pizza in.